To All The Ho’s I Loved Before

Dedicated to Maryjane and NéNé

Non-existent in your memory will I forever remain, though
— Unless I return to the life that brought me so low —
Because you still live partway in the life of a ho,
I must learn to let you go.

“Pretty Woman” was our foe:
Those cruel Richard-Gere-savior illusions don’t exist on the street.
Me, I was just a tourist taking an idiotic leap,
Putting on your shoes in hopes of understanding your feet.
In my delusions, your hugs, your caresses were so sweet –
When we shared a bed, I’d pretend my ear could hear your heartbeat –
Instead, I satisfied myself with you painting my eyes, my lips, my cheeks –
Following behind in your path, sharing the dream that we would riches meet.
None of that would ever become real, though,
And all of that was long ago –
Because your present is still that of a ho,
I must learn to let you go.

I didn’t want us to fuck, just hoped we could make some trouble –
Share how we got into the Life, maybe pull some doubles –
If we found a rich trick I thought we could strip, make him pay to watch us cuddle –
Mostly what I hoped for was to be on your team in the pre-game huddle.
When I see you now from time to time, your face says you still endlessly struggle –
And even though I know when you read this it will likely make you mad –
When I remember how much the Life sucked, the only way I can feel for you is sad –
Despite me getting clean and leaving, I thought it wouldn’t be so bad –
To send you this message saying I will always hold a little hope that –
Someday you’ll find your way out of being the selfish men’s doormat.
Sorry if this embarrasses you, I just needed you to know –
That I miss us being friends, and that if I could I would show you that –
But for now I’ll just pretend that the street won’t kill you and that sometime soon you’ll grow –
Wings and fly out of the life that tore holes in each of our souls –
Each moment you stay, away any happiness flows.
There’s nothing I can do for you but send you these words from a distance though,
Because as long as you remain in the life of a ho,
I have only memories, I must let you go.

One thought on “To All The Ho’s I Loved Before

  1. i won’t go on about all the insights in your post. you told me about your blog and that’s enough. you may recognize me by my email address. if you do, please message me on the other site. haven’t seen you there in awhile. thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

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